and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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