Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize