You really coming over, don't trick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize