dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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