Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Come share oat with me in your robe
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
