I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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