i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do vagina's smell?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
