areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize