party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
