Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i barfeds in our rink
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
