Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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