I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
