Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
