she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
