We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
