I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
