just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
