She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
