worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
