i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
