I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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