i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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