Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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