i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
