btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
