I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
