No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Be still, my beating vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
