i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
