Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As shirtless as possible
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
