Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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