I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
