Barsexuality is the new black.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
