john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
