Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
