I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
