did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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