Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize