I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
