I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
