You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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