A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
