you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
