for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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