I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
