dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
