with your own penis?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
