I want to walk on stilts...naked
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
