I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
