I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize