So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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