The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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