I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ok first of all what the fuck
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
