I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
