I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
