Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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