Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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