i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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