I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
