pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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