i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
