I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
