Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
