Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
