if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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