so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
