Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
