I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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