Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
