I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
These tits shall not be calmed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
