Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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