That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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