Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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